Our girl, Lily

 

I'm writing this in the garden, after having it confirmed that we won't be doing an embryo transfer today. My ovaries are still too large (7 x 8 x 10 cms to be precise) and I don't feel well enough to do this anyway. So we're freezing our four little embryos tomorrow (fingers crossed that they do ok) and I am focussing on chilling out.

The weather is helping. It is warm and sunny and will be for the next few days, and our beautiful garden is giving me chills. I may not have babies (yet) but I have all this green. Plus our Lily under the table.

Lily has now been with us for about 3 months. She is a chocolate brown Portuguese Water Dog and she has become such a focus for us. It may not be altogether healthy for her to be the centre of attention, but I see that both W and I had love left over to give from giving to each other - we needed a dog. And I knew this deep inside the whole time.

Persuading W to get a dog took time, basically about 3 months. In the end, I think he decided that it was non-negotiable, so I flew out to Budapest and picked her up. PWD breeders aren't exactly thick on the ground. She was then just over 10 kilos, and is now 19, and I struggle to remember how small she was. But she certainly fit in my lap, whereas now (although she thinks she can) she can't.

My first really sunny day in Rotterdam and a burger review

Since we moved to Rotterdam just over 2 months ago, it has been cold and windy. Every time I've gone out and the sun has been shining, I've been lulled into a false sense of security.

I've not been stupid, mind. I know that in March, bare arms or legs are a bad idea in the Northern Hemisphere. I mean that I've gone out without a hat or gloves, or occasionally thought that a flash of bare ankle might be a good idea. 

In London, this would be fine. It's unnaturally warm there, so going out in the middle of winter and showing flesh other than the face is do-able. Even if it's chilly, unless you are waiting for hours at Clapham Junction or another frigid Network Rail station (Balham, anyone?) you're going to be ok. You can pop into a cafe if your ankles get really cold. 

Sometimes I've looked askance at the American bloggers I like reading. They post these great photos of snowy New York/ Washington/ Michigan somewhere and about January they start moaning about how bored they are with the cold. At that point, I think to myself 'Oh give over!'. For someone used to the relatively light temperature swings of the southern UK, the thought of temperature extremes is quite exciting. 

However, Rotterdam - while not offering me snow in abundance - is proving to be a tricky place. It's typically a couple of degrees lower than London on any given day, but much windier and colder somehow. I have seen people bundled up as though we were in New York in double digit negative numbers (Celsius) and after a couple of months, (yes I am quite slow to catch on) I realise why. It's just chuffing chilly here. 

So over the past week or so, as it's been warming up, I've really been enjoying it. We went on a walk in the dunes last week which was both sunny and windy. And today has been like early summer. We walked in Het Park and had to take off our coats. I had bare legs. Then I began to think I should have worn short sleeves. I took photos of the tall ships lines up along the riverside for a race, and of W in front of the most lovely magnolia tree. 

Burger review: Hamburger

Following on from my considerations on flat whites in London, I decided to review burger bars in Rotterdam, as we eat there. Yesterday we went to Hamburger on Witte de Withstraat. I had a skinny burger with cheese and W had a triple cheeseburger with fries. 

Let's start with the fries - of course I pinched some. Stolen fries don't count, everyone knows that. They were just so good, dark golden and crispy. I think they may have been double fried. 

The burger was also great - if a little on the small side. Very juicy and well formed, with good processed cheese on top. It came with a pleasant salad instead of the bun, and the price was reduced by one euro, which is unusual! 

W's looked good - but he is not able to say why. He says 'it was a good burger, with nice cheese. And I liked it'.

Hamburger is a nice little bar on the first floor above another restaurant. It has a wide range of beers, including my favourite Brew Dog Dead Pony, although we had wine on this occasion. The decor is mostly in the hallway and on the stairs, and it is kind of psychedelic. 

I think I'm going to rather the following 5 attributes - and by skinnification, I mean: how successfully have they made a burger low carb? 

Service: 9/10

Decor/ Atmosphere: 8/10 (nice decor, menus a little grubby.)

Burger: 8/10

Fries: 10/10

Skinnification: 8/10

Day not going as planned (because it wasn't planned)

Why do some days just make me feel so incompetent? 

Not me, but a stock photo.
This is probably how I look swimming though.

Poor planning yesterday meant that although I wanted to work from home this morning, I didn't have my laptop with me. Poor planning and needing a larger rucksack. 

I only thought to print out a relevant set of powerpoint slides for the meeting I had to go in for when it was too late to print them. Meeting went ok, but I felt unprofessional. 

The jewellers whom I asked to make a ring larger have done something awful to it - the gold is now pitted and discoloured. The guy tried several times to explain that it had either come in like that, which it hadn't, or that this would look normal to me after some time had passed. Thank goodness I wasn't taking my engagement ring to them, just a little gold signet ring. That said, for various reasons this ring is precious too, and I'm sitting here kicking myself repeatedly for being a cheapskate and not going somewhere more reliable. 

Because I didn't go into the office I didn't pick up my towel, so I ended up going swimming without it. And realised once I was already wet. Situation resolved using a combination of the hairdryer and the handful of paper napkins someone gave me yesterday in a cafe. 

And having arrived home, I've realised I'm missing an event at work that I really really wanted to attend. So I'm sitting here kicking myself about that too. 

None of these problems are hugely significant in the grand scheme of things - I do know that. But they were all within my control, and they all feature problems of my own creation due to failings in myself that I've known of for years:

• failure to plan ahead and look up what I'm doing tomorrow/ this afternoon
• impatience, leading me to take the nearest/ quickest option, rather than the best option

As I write this cathartic note, I do see that I recovered well in a number of cases. I coped without the laptop this morning, and I got some work done without it that I couldn't have used it for anyway. I coped without a towel. 

But once again, I am marking my report card "must try harder". 

If anyone's reading this, I'd welcome suggestions for how to become a better prepared person. 

What to do after Couch to 5k, Part the third

So, as someone easily injured (hips, achilles tendon multiple times, IT band problems and - pathetically - terrible blisters on my arches) what is the plan post C25k?

My beautiful On Running trainers. 

I spend some time googling to see what others recommend. And actually there's very little out there. There are suggestions to run a race and hurrahs that you have got up to the 5k level. But not much about what you might do next, how to keep injuries at bay, and how to make running a permanent part of your life. 

Now, I'm by no means qualified to make suggestions on this, so please don't take any of what follows as advice. This is simply my own plan, after several previous false starts. 

• Keep walking upwards of 11 000 steps per day

I have a Fitbit Flex and I love it, I find it very motivating. I befriended a group of people on the forums, only one of whom I actually know, and I am now competing with them. Most days I can walk 11 000 steps provided I walk from the station into work without taking the Tube. 

• Keep running about 3 times per week, 4 if I really feel like it. 

I love running, and often when I've finished a run, I find myself wanting to run more soon. But I know that when I run 5-6 times per week that this reduces time for other forms of exercise, and it can put too much strain on my joints. 

• Do some cross-training. 

I've chosen swimming once per week because it's relatively easy for me to get to, low impact and good for flexibility. I'm great at breaststroke, much worse at front crawl, so the plan may include getting a couple of lessons. 

I go to an amazing yoga class on Tuesdays. The teacher is very experienced, funny and caters well for all abilities (I am not particularly bendy). I've found that since I've been going - about a year - I've got stronger and more flexible. So that will stay. 

• Do some work with body weights

This is going to be the hardest, for two reasons. First, I've quit my gym so I'm much more limited in what I can use. And second, to be honest, I don't really enjoy doing weights. It's boring to me. This is odd, because when I rowed regularly I preferred the weights room. I'm quite stocky and I grow muscle fast, so I tended to be able to lift good weights compared with other people. But when it's just me - boring! Hmm, maybe I need to find a way to motivate myself on weights...

And that's about it. I'd like to run a half marathon someday, and I think I'll run a few 5 and 10ks over the summer. More on those as they come up. 

What to do after Couch to 5k, Part Deux

About 10 weeks ago, I decided to do Couch to 5k again. I keep reading studies like this and suggestions that the Duchess of Cambridge was advised to exercise less before getting pregnant. (No links to that, as I don't want to link to red-tops, but I'm sure it's Google-able.) Plus my mum kept telling me she thought I was exercising too much. This demonstrates more that she has an overblown idea of how much exercise I actually do than anything else. But these things did have an effect and I would start running and then think: 'I'm stopping myself from conceiving!' and feel very guilty. 

However, more recently, I read an article or book about running stress. I can't remember where, but it may have been in Tread Lightly. (will try to come back and edit) Anyway, this noted that although stress hormones are raised when running, the overall effect on the runner is lowered stress hormones as a result of running. Epiphany! Not exercising was doing my head in. Running is my favourite form of exercise, and I missed it. And I was getting fatter, which also couldn't be good for fertility. So let's do a little running - enough to do say a 5 or 10k - but no marathons for a while. 

So I started again, this time using the NHS podcast. Although I think some of the advice given is a bit odd, e.g. the firm advice to heel-plant and to breath on a four steps per full breath (both inhalation and exhalation), it's encouraging to have someone telling me she thinks I'm doing well, and reminding me that the main think is to run and not to fixate on how fast I am. I actually shed a few tears on one of the runs when 'Laura' said "you're doing really well". I kept wanting to say, "yes, but I used to be able to run 20 miles!" but I didn't. 

Mentally, it's quite hard to start from scratch for the 6th or 7th time. To acknowledge your past, fitter self. But I knew that if I was going to make it without injury, I was going to have to take things really slowly. There was no harm in taking my time. As the runs went on, I enjoyed them more. This particular version of Couch to 5k, as opposed to the one in Runner's World's Run Your Butt Off, seems more satisfying. Rather than continuing to use a walking break until about week 9, the NHS podcast calls on you to run continuously from week 7, which is mentally challenging, but physically pleasing. 

I managed every week on schedule, and without injury, which is astonishing. And my reward? A beautiful new running watch. In many ways this is over-engineered for what I need, but I love seeing the data and frankly I think it's a thing of beauty.

My new toy. Honestly, who wouldn't be motivated by this?

So that brings me back to the original question, nearly two posts later. What to do after Couch to 5k? 

The short answer, evidenced by all the times I quit running only to start again (more than the times I quit smoking = twice, the second time being successful for the last 12 years or so), is 'Keep running'. But that covers a fairly wide span. 

I had been thinking I would pick up on the plan for my current speed in Run Less, Run Faster. I even went to the extent of working out my schedule in a spreadsheet. And then I ran my first run with the Garmin. I wasn't paying any attention to my heart rate, and at the end of the run I was shocked to be told by the watch's Recovery Advisor that I needed to take 72 hours to recover. Apparently I had been running at 90% of maximum heart-rate for nearly the whole run. 

My real max heart rate is definitely higher than the one the usual formulae give. In that particular run, which felt hard-ish to me, but not flat out, I peaked at 187 BPM, which is 7 BPM higher than the traditional 220-age and 11 BPM higher than the gender-adjusted 209-(0.9 x age). But even so, I found myself thinking 'What if I trained in the zones appropriate for me? Would this help avoid injury?'. Today I ran 30 minutes aiming for 142-144 BPM. It was the easiest run I've done in ages, and I found myself really enjoying it. 

So I've shelved my plans for Run Less, Run Faster for at least a month. I don't think there's any harm in going slow a little more. At some point I want to move into interval training proper, but I think I'll play with these heart rates for a while and build my base.

What to do after Couch to 5k, Part 1

I've just completed a Couch to 5k programme. Full disclosure: this is my third, or possibly fourth, time 'teaching myself' to run, as I have a habit of getting injured and also of focussing too much on work to the detriment of healthy eating and exercising. 

Occasion 1: While in my second year at university, I decided I wanted to run. I bought shoes and running kit (I honestly had nothing to run in otherwise, but I do admit to being hugely motivated by new kit in any new enterprise. To my shame). I got up early one morning and snuck out. I was so nervous of people seeing me, particularly my housemates, but also all other human beings. I think I made about 5 minutes, all the while thinking: this is just incredibly hard! I didn't run again for years, although I used my kit going to aerobics classes at the gym, which in pre-ipod days was probably much more fun anyway. 

Occasion 2: While rowing fairly seriously at Second University, I decided to add in running. Never really thought about starting slow (For someone quite bright, I can be a really slow learner). This worked fairly well, and I think I kept it up throughout the remainder of my time at uni, at least until I had to write up my thesis. At that point I decided - given limited time and motivation - that I would bribe myself to work as many hours per day as it took to finish on time, as I had a job to go to. This took stopping exercising and eating a lot of food. Breaking up with Serious Boyfriend Number 3 probably also didn't help. 

Occasion 3: Having started the job and been made redundant, I took on a range of awful short term jobs, which also didn't help with stopping me eating too many cakes and chocolate. At one point, I know I weighed the most I have ever weighed. Definitely overweight, though thankfully not obese. During a job in Stroud, I decided I had to get back on the exercise wagon, and both started rowing again (back in London) and running. I can still remember just how awful that first run was, alongside a canal near my office in Stroud. However, the nice thing about exercising and rowing in particular at this point in my life was that the weight just fell off. 

Occasion 4: Rowing treated me well, although I was never more than nearly fast. When I finally quit because honestly it took every weekend over, I carried on running. I think it was about this point that I bought the wonderful Runners Handbook by Bob Glover and took myself through his intermediate training programme. This book, bits of which I probably know off by heart ('Run like a pig') cheered me through the awful parts of trying to run faster, and made me feel like a real runner for the first time. Although bits of it are probably a bit out of date, I would still recommend it to anyone. 

Occasion 5: Never really stopped running, but never got into a proper rhythm. Then did the thing lots of people do (after meeting the Fiancé, although obviously he wasn't that then) and decided to run a marathon. I used Bob Glover's plans fully to do this, and ran the Rotterdam Marathon in 2008. Not fast, but finished. At some point in training, my hips, particularly the RH one, began to seize up after running more than about 10 miles. This carried on through the marathon itself. I never resolved what the problem was, although I now think it was probably to do with having very weak glutes. It just always felt like they needed to go 'click' but I couldn't ever figure what to do to make that happen. 

Running the Rotterdam Marathon, as I head back over the Maas. 
Not doing too badly at this point, which I think was about halfway. 
Hips just beginning to hurt...

Occasion 6 and 7: Both times did a proper Couch to 5k for the first time, which was an eye-opener ('I'm not meant to go all-out as long as I can?') but then fertility treatment got in the way. Anyone who has ever gone through stimulation prior to egg collection will know why. There is no running to be done when your ovaries have swollen approximately to the size of large oranges, and you can feel them bouncing around. 

Going to stop there, as this is a horrendously long post already, and best broken into two parts.